


Stay Here Tonight

by ThoseDaysThatWill



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Connor thinks too much, Edmonton Oilers, M/M, lots of emotions but not really angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 07:48:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20386195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThoseDaysThatWill/pseuds/ThoseDaysThatWill
Summary: Of course he thought about telling him. He thought about it every damn day he watched him walk into the locker room looking like he had soft lighting and a filtered lens following him everywhere. But that was just how he was. Or maybe just how Connor saw him. He didn't know, and he wasn't willing to offer himself up to the kind of ridicule that came with asking someone else. Especially when his teammates seemed to delight in calling him out whenever he stared just a little too long.





	Stay Here Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> This was prompted by Kennedy. The prompt was “Stay here tonight.” with them. Such a good prompt for them! 
> 
> Thank you, Katie, for help with the German.
> 
> Set sometime in the 16-17 season, maybe. (EP researched.)

Connor would be the first one to admit that his headspace was a very screwy place. He was the guy, when sitting down with the sports psychologist, that had a trained mental health professional look at him and go 'huh' out loud, like he was planning to write a whole fucking dissertation on whatever his neurosies were. He also had _second_ shrink that wasn't paid for by his team, that wasn't so much as _known _about by his team, where he could sit and talk about all the things that he knew full well he couldn't say to someone that wasn't actually a doctor and reported back to the guys that signed his paycheck. She didn't look at him like he was worth a multi-book-deal, she just nodded and took notes and repeated the same things every session. "Have you thought about telling _him_ that?" It had been two years now that every time she asked, Connor rolled his eyes and said, "Of course not." Which was a lie, the only lie he told her, but a lie nevertheless. She knew it was a lie, so he reasoned it was okay to keep saying it. 

_Of course _he thought about telling him. He thought about it every damn day he watched him walk into the locker room looking like he had soft lighting and a filtered lens following him everywhere. But that was just how he was. Or maybe just how Connor saw him. He didn't know, and he wasn't willing to offer himself up to the kind of ridicule that came with asking someone else. Especially when his teammates seemed to _delight _in calling him out whenever he stared just a little too long. For his part, Leon never seemed to mind. He'd smile, maybe even blush a little, or turn it back on the teammate, pointing out who _he _had stared at, while Connor wished the floor would swallow him whole. They were both what might pass for shy when you're someone that does their job in front of thousands of people daily, but it always seemed like they'd be shy in shifts. Somehow Leon knew when Connor couldn't put words together to shut the teammate down, or when he could handle it himself. He had no idea how, though, because _he _didn't even know that much about himself. 

Connor had tried to remember if he noticed him at all in Sochi, during the U18 tournament. Leon once told him that was the first time _he _noticed him, but that wasn't exactly fair. They _had_ played against each other, for the first time, but Connor only knew that because he'd looked it up. He'd scored and assisted in that game, Leon had an assist, Canada had won. But truthfully his head spun so hard during that tournament, he wasn't noticing much of anything except the puck going in the net. And Dylan. Connor's attention had been wrapped up in Dylan for years. Not more than hockey, but close to it. At least he thought so. The complaint that he cared more about hockey than him had always confused Connor. It was true, but why was that bad? He loved him second and that was saying a lot. Not enough, evidently. 

The first time he'd kissed Leon, he was technically still dating Dylan. They couldn't agree on who kissed who first, but Connor took 'blame' for it, because he was the one that was cheating. He and Dylan argued a lot, over the silliest things imaginable, things that just weren't worth arguing over, looking back on it. He had Connor's captaincy in Erie, and was doing pretty well with it, but he'd been drafted third and hadn't gone right into the NHL, and that didn't sit as well with him as it probably should have. After all, there were people that argued that Eichel should have been drafted ahead of _Connor_, what hope did Dylan have of being drafted ahead of him? So maybe _that_ fight was deserved. In his defense, he might not have been completely sober, but as Dylan pointed out, you don't _say _something drunk that you haven't _thought_ sober. And he was right. But then, so was Connor. That draft was _stacked_, he deserved to be third, but he was also lucky to get it. 

By the time he got up enough courage to break up with Dylan, a whole season had passed, and he'd kissed Leon twice more. That was _all _they had done, but sure as hell not all they wanted to do. And it wasn't that he could say anything as dramatic as he fell in love with him at first sight or even first kiss, it was little things, like watching tape and finding his mind had wondered to a mental replay Leon dancing at a club the night before and how it was impressive just how fluidly he could move a body as big as his. (He wasn't, however, thinking about how his damn teammate got him to go out with them in the first place by saying "Leon's going".) Or sitting next to him at a team meeting and having missed a whole speech because he was trying to figure out if his stupidly intoxicating smell was natural or bottled. Or that damn little aw-shucks smile he got when he was praised. Connor couldn't handle that smile, it lit up more than just his cheeks, but thankfully that's all he got ribbed by teammates for.

It took a lot of personal willpower to ensure that the first time they were together wasn't up against the shower wall after he'd casually mentioned to Leon that he and Dylan weren't together anymore. Granted, he didn't have enough willpower to actually wait until they _left _the arena, but at least the office was private, and the couch was comfortable. And it was absolutely _everything _he'd daydreamed it would be, he felt like he was _made _to be with him. Before that, Connor hadn't considered German a particularly sexy language, but hearing it moaned in his ear in _his _voice, combined with his touch and his damn _smell,_ he went off like a bottle rocket, _embarrassingly _fast. Over subsequent encounters, he learned to pace himself and make it last longer, but he still blushed every time Leon brought up just how quickly he came their first time. 

After bad games, Connor wanted to be alone. Always had, and he assumed he always would. That was just his way and Leon seemed to be okay with that. After good games, though, at _home_ they'd sneak off to secluded spots in their arena, the excitement of both the win and the possibility of being caught adding fuel to whatever fire they already kindled just by looking at each other. On the road, they'd go back to Leon's room, maybe not quite as exciting, but certainly safer. After, Connor would get up and get dressed, letting Leon pretend to be asleep. He wasn't, they both knew, but it was too awkward otherwise. He'd just gotten out of one relationship, he didn't want a new one. And he had too much on his shoulders anyway, he didn't want to force anyone else to have to deal with him when he got like that. He didn't know if Gretzky had a boyfriend, but if he did, he pitied him. He didn't want to do that to Leon. And for his part, Leon didn't seem to want it done to him either. It was all fine how it was. 

All of that... _all of that_... was in his head as he lay beside Leon, watching him pretend to be asleep. He was, without hesitation, the most _beautiful _man Connor had ever seen. From the slight stubble trailing down his neck to the way his eyelashes seemed to fan over his cheeks, the light blush and the very slight smile still on his lips, down to a body that could have been carved out of marble but was still warm and inviting. He ran a hand over his chest and watched him blink his eyes open and his smile grow. Just laying there, holding his eyes, Connor felt something knot up in his stomach tighter than anything he'd ever felt in his life. Puck on his stick, the whole season on the line, didn't knot him up as much as that smile did. His heart wasn't beating fast, but there was a deep ache in his chest and the slow breaths weren't doing anything to ease it. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so _scared_. 

Leon licked his lips and Connor watched his tongue's journey more intently than he probably should have. He heard the low rumble of a laugh, but it was light and comfortable, not teasing or mocking. He reached a hand up to cup Connor's cheek, and the warmth of the touch rushed through his whole body all at once. It was remarkable how something as simple as that contact filled him with such a sense of contentment. He wasn't sure if the sigh was his or Leon's. He felt himself lean into the touch and he was hyperaware of his own hand still resting on Leon's chest. They didn't move for a long moment, the air so still that Connor wasn't sure he couldn't hear the sound of their heartbeats. 

"Stay here tonight." Leon's voice was soft, his accent much thicker than normal. 

The words wrapped around Connor like a blanket and for some reason that he couldn't comprehend, he felt pricks in the corner of his eyes. He shut them quickly, but that intensified all the feelings _too _much and he had to open them again. He knew he should speak, but he couldn't. He was much too afraid of what words would come out of his mouth if he dared. Instead, he leaned forwards and pressed his lips to Leon's, letting go of _everything _in that moment, in that kiss. It was supposed to be overwhelming, but instead it felt... _right, _it felt like how he was _supposed _to kiss him, how he should have been kissing him every time. He felt a tear escape, but he ignored it because he didn't understand it. Leon wrapped his arms around him and Connor all but fell into him. The kiss was the longest they'd shared and even when they parted, it wasn't too far apart. Connor curled into him, burying his face in the side of Leon's neck, closing his eyes. 

"Alles wird gut. Ich liebe dich auch." Leon whispered, petting his hair, as his arms wrapped tighter around him. 

Connor didn't try to translate, it didn't matter exactly what the words were, he _knew _what he was saying, he understood it perfectly. Damn him for it too. He wasn't supposed to read his mind like that. Hell, Connor wasn't supposed to be thinking it in the first place. And even so, they weren't supposed to be talking about it. They were supposed to pretend that it was casual and simple. But there it was, right between them. He couldn't hide, or run, or even protect him from it anymore. It was too late. And as he was falling asleep, the last thought he had was that he needed to tell his shrink that he didn't _have_ to tell him, because he already _knew_. 


End file.
